I am still confused

Hello everyone.  First of all I would like to say how wonderful it is to know that others are going through or have gone through what I am experiencing right now. 

I just recently met my fiance's other half about a year and a half ago.  When I first found out I was outraged.  Was he gay?  Bi?  Cheating?  He didn't do much research for himself and was unable to clearly explain to me what was going on.  All I understood was that he was wearing my panties...and being the oldest of three sisters who constantly took my clothes, that was a big no no. 

So much went through my mind.  Lately, I wonder if he is more interested in himself than me.  I told him that I would try to be ok with this, however, I am not sexually interested in him when he's a she and I don't want to feel like I have to join in on sexual encounters.  Why is it such a sexual arousal for him? 

I decided t! hat I would try to be ok with this only a month ago after reading a letter one wife wrote about her experience.  They loved eachother and they compromised and it was worth it for them.  She said that he was sweeter and more sincere and fun to be around.  I just don't know what i can do to tame the sexual part of crossdressing. 

I need someone to talk to about this.  I have read the "reasons" why some men do this, and really I want to be fine with it.  But I'm struggling so much with understanding his arousal by himself in women's clothes. 

understanding why he cross dresses

It's is often a challenge to understand why your husband/partner cross dresses. Furthermore, many cross dressers wives observe that when their spouse is cross dressing, very often his sexual desires seem to heighten.

My ex used to say that he had to wear silk stockings-and it was not enough if I wore them. He had to. I frequently felt that that he wasnot having sex with me but with the lingerie he was wearing. It made me feel inadequate, confused and finally reached the point that I could no longer stay. I used to hope that when he got older his sexual drive would lesson; however along came viagra and I felt doomed. Moreover I felt betrayed because he didn't disclose that he was a cross dresser until we were married with children.

2/26/2008 

Thank you so much for this website. I guess I am currently at Stage Five. I often fear he is homosexual, bi-sexual, or transsexual. I been dealing with this for over 4 years, after I found a copul of transexual porno-movies underneath the bed nightstand and confronted him about it. I guess he didn't have another choice but to tell me.

 

I have been trying to understand him 100% but I can't. See I really don't know what I feel because, at times I feel okay about it. I mean, I help him cross-dress (every other weekend) take pictures of him and help him post the pictures on his myspace page. But what makes me uncomfortable is the messages back and forth to these other cross-dressers on myspace. He reads them to me and shows me the messages but still feel like he is hiding his identity from me. There are hundreds and thousands of cross-dressers on myspace. It seems to me like all of them cross-dress for a sexual thrill. I can be wr! ong but that is what I am understanding.

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Many cross dressers wives and partners have responded to the survey and have asked for much needed assistance with their specific issues. However, the surveys are all anonymous and without a personal e-mail to crossdresserswives.com, or a posting of your story onto our worldwide forum, there is no way for us to respond nor assist your needs.

When you contact crossdresserswives.com, your contact information remains private and we respond normally within 24 to 48 hours. When you share your comments onto the forum, your anonymity remains intact;  you will have the opportunity to obtain responses and frequently advice from other cross dressers wives or partners.

Please allow us to better serve your needs by following the aforementioned steps. Remember, you are not alone!

Best Regards,

The Founder

Tough Choices

Some cross dressers wives are caught between a rock and a hard place when their cross dresser husbands 'out' themselves or are caught cross dressing in front of family members or friends. Some unaccepting family members and friends have encouraged the cross dresser's wife to leave the relationship. Sometimes cross dressers have insisted that their spouses severe their relationships with anyone who is unaccepting of the husband's lifelong condition of cross dressing.

We at crossdresserswives.com are hoping that other cross dressers wives who have experienced similar hardships share their stories and ultimately their choices on to our forum. Let's continue to support each other! And always remember, we are not alone; their are millions of us in the US alone!

How to deal with the intial shock...
Now Playing: How can we best support each other?
Topic: support each other

Many cross dressers wives ask the same question: How do I deal with the initial shock and anger over finding out that their long time spouse or partner is a cross dresser? There are many valid answers and options. The overwhelming majority of cross dressers wives feel extremely betrayed and therefore enraged. This is a common reaction. You are in essence mourning over what you though you had in your marriage. However this is not to state that the answer for one suits all of us, for that is simply not the case. Many do end up separating or divorcing, while others live with the resentment and there are some that adjust and accept the fact that their husbands have a life long condition and they choose to stay with him. The answer of how to deal with the pain boils down to a personal choice, after each one of us examines what we need in the relationship and can we or should we stay is simply up for each of us to decide.

For me, I made a conscious choice to stay until our child left for college. This was the right choice solely for me and I am not advocating divorce. What I do advocate is to seek out assistance with family members, friends, religious leaders and  therapy to help you to contend with this often painful and baneful experience. And of course utilize our forum to connect with women who are or have experienced the same shock.

It took me well over two years to come to terms with it and I am happy that I now live a peaceful and honest life once I made the choice to leave him. The skeletons are out of the closet and that was such a relief in and of itself!

Now Playing: Is my husband still cross dressing?
It is highly likely that he is still cross dressing since according to all of the statics and data-cross dressing is a life long condition. Perhpas he is just not dressing up in front of you.

Did you stay, leave or are you undecided?
What shaped your decision? What issues are you struggling with?

How did you find out your partner is a cross-dresser?

Please feel free to share the circumstances by which you discovered your husband/partner was a cross-dresser by posting here.

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